Tom Obert's Annual Letter

In Memoriam: Ruthie’s older brother, Don, died on September 4, Tom’s birthday, after a long bout with cancer. We also lost our long-time D.C. friend, Jim Brown, to cancer on March 18. Alexandria family friends and members of the Greatest Generation who died this year - Paul Dahlstrom, Virginia and Wally Bloom, Birdyne Nelson, Jane DiNino and John McCabe. Larry Tilleskjor, from our own generation, and Dallas Sams, our state senator, also died this year. This is also our first Christmas in 19 years without Woody, who died on March 23 – the thought of which brought Ruthie’s tree decorating to a tear-filled halt when she realized her boy wasn’t there to “help” her with that task, for he truly loved Christmas. We miss them all.

To read this Christmas letter, press “1” for English (unless, of course, you find that to be exceedingly cumbersome).

JAN 6 – Ruthie and I took a one-day winter vacation in Bemidji*, about as snow birdie as it gets, eh? Jami and Danny were in town to check on their estate north of Itasca State Park. The U.S. Congress sprang into action to protect us all from the scourge of illegal immigration by proposing to make English the “official” language of the United States. The long-term ramifications of such have yet to determined (except for, of course, in this newsletter).

FEB 21-23 – The Alex girls hockey team participated in its 4th straight state tournament. The team finished with a 25–4 record and had four players named to the all-state team. Under the country’s new English-only policy, entrepreneur will be changed to . . . wait a sec, according to the President, the French do not have a word for entrepreneur, so it must be English as is.

MAR 7 – As everyone knows, the Kensington Runestone proved conclusively that the Vikings were in Minnesota 130 years before Christopher Columbus, that Johnny-Come-Lately, boogie boarded into the Caribbean. Recently discovered evidence in the neighboring village of Villard indicated the Vikings also missed the NFL playoffs that year.

MAR 8 – We Diehard Fans treated our girls hockey team to dinner at the Pizza Ranch, in recognition of the pride they continue to bring to our community, which otherwise has to rely on the likes of the Gophers, Vikings, and Timberwolves. Hockey is deemed to be a Canadian word and is thus re-christened in English to lacrosse on ice. But lacrosse . . . never mind.

MAR 23 – On the same day we said our last good-bye to Woody, our local newspaper, the Echo Press, ran a story titled “Little darlings have die-hard fans,” about we fans of the girls hockey team. The team subsequently gave the Diehard Fans team photos in frames labeled Little Darlings.

MAR 28 – APR 5 – Our annual trip to the Final Four, this year to Atlanta. We don’t remember who played but do remember paying $20 for bottled water at an otherwise terrific restaurant. The bottled water did not have an English name. We visited with Ruthie’s brother Don in Kentucky.

APR 18 & 24 – Ice out and 1st round of golf, respectively. Under the “English as official language” policy, Los Angeles will be renamed The City of Angels, of course; and Minnesota (a Dakota Indian word, after all) will be renamed ToHeckWithOil,We’veGotWater!

MAY 13 – Ruthie’s son, Rob, did his best impression of Evel Knievel on Mother’s Day by crashing his motorcycle at the Motocross Nationals Qualifier in Athens, Ohio, suffering a shoulder separation, a fractured femur, and teeth through his chin. Fortunately, he recovered in time to . . [See SEP 4]

MAY 25–30 – Tom Kiehne’s visit coincided with Awake the Lakes. That was a long time ago, but we assume we had a lot of fun together. A local man, out demonstrating with a “Freedom is Not Free” placard, was arrested for not paying his taxes.

MAY 30 - Grandson (GS) Tom, Jami & Danny made the Indianapolis Star and local TV forcing the Noblesville (Indiana) Council to make safety changes after Tom was hit by truck in September ‘06.

JUN 1-4 – Tom and brother Cam went back to D.C. for niece Jessica’s wedding. It was a lovely affair at Chris and Janet’s place overlooking the Potomac River. It was also the first time in 17 years, we believe, that the four children of John and Natalia were all together in one place. The bride and groom, Colin Kelly, ultimately ended up moving to – of all places – Minnesota.

JUN 8 – A trip to Mounds View for niece Katy’s high school graduation party. Congratulations again to Katy, but it was yet another reminder that we are getting older. The country’s English-speaking only lobby moved to have kielbasa renamed big weenie.

JUN 23 – Trip to New Ulm, St. Peter, and on to S. Minneapolis for college buddy Steve Hansen’s 60th*. Under the ever-increasing non-English purge, the country regressed yet again to freedom fries, freedom roast coffee, freedom kiss, and, of course, the ever-popular Freedom Lick, Indiana, hometown of the ever-popular Larry Bird.

JUN 30 – JUL 8 – Jami, Danny, GS Tom visited; GS Tom stayed on for a month*. We participated in the annual 4th of July boat parade on Lake Carlos – and won first place with Ruthie and GS Tom’s “Peace is Patriotic” motif. President Bush came under increasing scrutiny due to his inability to speak English, in direct conflict with the country’s English-speaking only policy.

JUL 20-24 – GS Tom’s other grandparents, Fran and Ed, came to take him home. It was so hot even Fran took a dip in beautiful Lake Darling off our boat, the Moby Obie.

AUG 4-11 – We went to Camp Brosius for the first time since moving to Vacationland USA. It is an alumni camp for Indiana University (IU) in Elkhart Lake, Wisconsin, and a long-time destination for the IU alums in the Callecod (Ruthie’s) family. We renewed old acquaintances – and made some new ones.

AUG 12-17 – Tom Kiehne and his older brother Jerry paid a visit to the old hometown. We golfed despite an aging Tom’s ailing back. In the absence of an appropriate English language substitute, habeas corpus was simply suspended.

AUG 26 – Class of ’65 golf outing at the Alexandria Golf Club. Otherwise known as the Sevey Open, it has become so popular it will be televised on ESPN next year. No bologna, it could be “Oscar Mayer has a way with b–a-l-o-n-e-y!”

SEP – On the 4th Tom turned 60 – the whimpering finally abated by the end of the month. He can no longer put on his dainties standing in the middle of a room – he tends to tip over in the absence of support. He can no longer change his location within the house without first making a pit stop. We learned at the birthday bash on the 8th* that 3 guests also shared the 4th as their birthdays: Shelly Karnis, Marlene Collins, and Larry McCoy. Ruth’s son Rob made his first visit here, took his first Moby Obie cruise*, and WOWED all the ladies at the birthday party.

OCT 12-23 – Ruthie and Rita took a train trip to Vancouver to visit our niece and nephew. They proclaimed things in Canada to be really “spendy,” eh! Everybody we know in Alexandria had knee replacement surgery.

NOV 21–26 – Road trip to Indiana for Thanksgiving with Ruthie’s family and a belated 90th birthday celebration for her Mom, Janella. We almost didn’t make it coming and going because of inclement weather - meaning it’s likely all of our future trips will be taken sitting on the couch watching HDTV!

DEC 24 – What the holiday season means to us: It means going out at 5:00 in the morning so two 60+-year olds can hand shovel a 150-foot long driveway before the bridge ladies arrive at 9:00, it means going into the house when we’re done, having our glasses steam up and trip over the boots we wore to shovel the day before, it means going to the emergency room to have our dislocated elbows, from the fall, put back into place so we can still dress ourselves for the hockey game that night.

DEC 25 – Christopher Hitchens, in a partial review of The Passion of the Christ, noted it starred a “talentless lead actor who was apparently born in Iceland or MINNESOTA [emphasis mine].” To all my fellow talentless Minnesotans, under the auspices of our English-only policy . . .

FELIZ NAVIDAD, Y’ALL!!

- Ruth and Tom Obert

(If one is so inclined, it is quite easy to follow the goings on here in Vacationland USA at our high school class blogsite – www.65roundup.blogspot.com - where, at least to date, the editor has kindly indulged Tom’s musings as the Cub Reporter.)

p.s. Extended coverage this year is due entirely to Ruthie-the-geek’s ability to now include photos in this missive – including Tom’s disappearance into the snow bank after the first big snow fall this year.