Deception unmasked, reporter victimized

Security was tight today at the Larry Holverson retirement and bon voyage party held in the bowels of the Echo Press building in downtown Alexandria, Minnesota.

Threats against the honoree were not being ignored. Senior Security Chief Clair Morrison ( photo of hard-looking guy - right) vowed that no one would penetrate the Green Zone just east of Broadway.

Holverson, seen by most as a hard-working, mild-mannered sports reporter of 30-plus years of service, has been using the job as cover for his true obsession: culturing a dandelion-free yard.

This deception was unmasked recently when Pope County Tribune publisher John Stone (see the photo taken in front of the newspaper darkroom/uni-sex bathroom/spa) came to the stark realization that no one, but absolutely no one, could actually deal with the parents of high school athletes for 30 years and survive.

This sober conclusion and the subsequent investigation forced Holverson into retirement.
Investigators discovered that Holverson hasn’t actually written a news story in 10 years. He has simply recycled old stories from back issues. He was able to pull this off because after 20 years of service, Holverson’s credibility was so high, his command of Cardinalese so great, that no one questioned that the story they read in the newspaper didn’t exactly match what they might have seen in the Cardinal gym or ballfield. It was close enough, the newspaper was probably correct, they assumed.
Meanwhile, Holverson has used all this free time to manage a front and back yard to rival "The Little Bit 'O Heaven."

So why the draconian security arrangements at the retirement ceremony?
Well, the Beer Softball League thugs, who think Holverson never gave them enough press or public recognition, vowed to give him a snuggy he would never, ever forget.
Fortunately, our cub reporter was able to enter the Morrison Green Zone by using cleverly designed Blogspot Press Credentials. Unfortunately, the evil softballers were also able to somehow penetrate Morrison's security. But, alas, they had failed to bring an accurate description of Holverson, mistakenly believing him to be bald and bearded.

The smile you see on Tom Obert, below, is the sad result of their mistaken identity.